SOMETHING IN THE WATER

CONTAINS SPOILERS GLUB GLUB GLUB

There may well be Something In The Water but there's nothing on the screen. Director Hayley Easton Street (who, let me state right from the start, is no relation) has apparently described this film as "Jaws meets Bridesmaids", and it sounds like one of those improv party games where you're given two random movie titles and you have to come up with an immediate pitch that combines them. And I suppose it's accurate, given that it has a shark and some bridesmaids in it. But that really isn't enough.

It begins with a vicious homophobic assault in London that's unnecessarily brutal, in that it feels like it's from a different, nastier film entirely. A year later, the two estranged lovers who were targeted that night meet again in the Caribbean for the wedding of one of their lifelong friends: their hen night festivities include a boat trip to a deserted island paradise. But on the way back the boat leaks and sinks, there's no phone signal, one of the gang can't swim and there's something in the water...  

Cue the usual shouting, screaming, recriminations, truths and reconciliations, while a mostly unseen menace munches them one by one. If you've seen Open Water, The Reef, The Shallows, Adrift, And Many Many More, you'll know very quickly where this is going, who is going to survive and what's going to be left of them, offering no surprises along the way. Granted, we're not down in the Mariana Trench of films like Shark Attack 3, but it's still just another shark movie and it's hardly worth the effort. (Side note: I haven't actually seen Bridesmaids, but if it's basically Something In The Water but without the shark, that hasn't sold it to me.)

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