THE RESORT

SPOILERS AND YEAH, WHATEVER

There's really very little to be said about The Resort that hasn't already been said about a hundred other straight-to-home-viewing horror quickies. Four idiot friends, two girls who look hot in bikinis and two eminently punchable dullards, decide to spend a birthday weekend traipsing round a remote Hawaiian island that's supposedly haunted by the Half-Face Girl (the allegedly vengeful spirit of a young girl who was something something the usual) and having a look inside Room 306, the epicentre of the supposed paranormal activity. Cue the dumbos being picked off one by one, a brief bit of graphic face-ripping, a little wrinkle in the timeline, the scary-faced ghost doing her Sadako impression yet again, a sort-of twist ending, 73 minutes and will that do?

No it won't. There's very little to be said about the film because there's nothing to be seen in the film: nothing original, nothing startling, nothing interesting, and as free of style as it is of content. Even the abandoned luxury resort hotel setting can't be arsed to put much effort in. On the most basic technical levels of filmmaking I guess it's competent, in that the camera is in focus and no-one fluffs their lines, but you feel kind of insulted that such a bare minimum is deemed good enough. Because it really isn't.

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