CONTAINS SPOILERS
Well, it's not terrible. But that's about they best you can say about this second helping of Denis Villeneuve's epic adaptation of the Frank Herbert doorstopper that I couldn't get into thirty years ago and don't regret giving up on. The most important thing you need to know going in is that this isn't the end of it: it's merely the continuation and maybe we'll get a third one in three to four years' time that does actually wrap everything up. At least we knew Part One wasn't a standalone; but it was assumed that Part Two would be the second half and not just the second instalment, so there's a real sense of disappointment that this episode stops rather than ends.
Though it handily begins with a brief "Previously On Dune...." recap, it's vital to have seen the first one because frankly you'll be lost if you don't. We're back on Arrakis: the Harkonnens have wiped out most of the Atreides and, with the Padishah Emperor's Sardaukar troops, are now seeking to wipe out the native Fremen; Paul (Timothee Chalamet) and his mother Lady Jessica (Rebecca Ferguson) have escaped into the desert, avoided the sandworms and met up with Fremen leader Stilgar (Javier Bardem). Paul falls in love and becomes a Fedaykin (whatever that is), Jessica drinks the water of life and becomes the tribe's Reverend Mother, while the Bene Gesserit plot to manipulate the bloodlines to bring forth the Kwisatz Haderach...
Or something. (There may be spelling mistakes in this review because it's impossible to spell-check.) I actually rewatched Part One on Blu the previous night and even then I struggled with Dune: Part Two because for all the star names, for all the near-perfect special effects and visual design, for all the obvious skill and effort that went into it, it can't get away from a sense of self-importance. You can read into it any number of real-world parallels about holy wars, genocides, or rival superpowers fighting over other lands to plunder their natural resources if you want, or you can just watch it as a silly SF spectacular about people in silly costumes with sillier names. The trouble is, Denis Villeneuve is more interested in the former. Whatever else it might be, Nu-Dune is no fun. I'm not asking for Paul and Feyd to settle their differences with a custard pie fight, or for Emperor Christopher Walken's trousers to fall down, but 166 minutes is a long time to go with no amusement, intentional or not. "Shorter than Oppenheimer" is all that can be said for it on this level. While we're at it: Hans Zimmer's ethnically flavoured score adds nothing but decibels; it doesn't enhance the drama or emotion at any point and (while I accept this isn't its primary function) it isn't even a satisfying or interesting listen on its own terms.
Say what you like about David Lynch's stab at Dune: at least that moved. (Most people were just flat out wrong about that film anyway.) If nothing else, it was fun, it was entertaining and it had a proper ending, and none of that can be applied to the new ones. I regularly go back to the Lynch film, but I doubt I'll ever bother with either/any of the Villeneuves except as obligatory revision for when the next one comes along. Dune: Part Two is perfectly well done, perfectly well crafted and played, but it's ponderous, overlong and never sparks into life. Maybe if they'd injected a little more wild and crazy into it this incarnation of Dune could have been great. As it is, it's fine, but has no zip to it and it badly needs it.
***
